Funny english….

Here is a collection of strange signs that you may enjoy sharing with your students—with appropriate explanations!

Private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

Hotel bedroom, Japan:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

Doctor’s surgery, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Hotel airconditioner instructions, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Zoo, Hungary:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Resaurant, Nairobi:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

Men’s lavatory, Japan:
TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT

Poster:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

Restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

Automatic hand dryer in public lavatory:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

Maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

Cemetery
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Restaurant menu, Switzerland:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

Bar, Tokyo:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Temple, Bangkok:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Hotel bedroom, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel bedroom, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Supermarket, Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

Hotel, Moscow (opposite Russian Orthodox monastery):
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

From the Soviet Weekly:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

Newspaper, East Africa:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Black Forest, Germany:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED

Laundry, Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Hotel bedroom, Moscow:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT

Reading tips for building vocabulary

• Construct vocabulary trees from short stories or articles you are reading.
• Build mind maps based on the stories or articles you are reading.
• Photocopy a page or an article and highlight all the words you do not understand. Look up those words and add them to your vocabulary diary.
• When you come across a word you do not understand, first try to understand based on context.
• Focus on prefixes and suffixes and find examples in a text you are reading. Underline and try to understand based on the prefixes or suffixes. Try to come up with the antonyms. These are words with an opposite meaning and are often related (unhappy – happy, misinformation – information, etc.)
• Read a short story and try to retell or rewrite the story using as much vocabulary from the story as possible.
• Note down nouns and adjectives you do not understand. Use a thesaurus to help you find synonyms to these words. Finding synonyms will help you learn groups of words with similar meanings.

Teaching english in second life

Second Life is an online virtual world in three dimensions. It is quickly becoming very popular and has millions of users throughout the world. What makes Second Life different is that it is not an online game, rather it is an online inversive environment. Second Life allows you to travel through an entirely imaginary world with buildings, people, cafes, streets, mountains, etc. Second Life has also created an intriguing new space for virtual classrooms that act very much like ‘real-life’ classrooms. Students attend presentations, teachers help students communicate, etc.

If you are interested in learning more about Second Life then visit and create your own avatar. I’ll admit the learning curve is steep, and I have some doubts about whether students might become more confused by all the technology than by the English they are learning. Still, Second Life is attracting more and more attention as an ideal learning environment and I can well imagine that it will eventually become an alternative for many students who want to study English online.

To get started, here are some resources provided by some of the most active English teaching associations in Second Life:

Second Life English Blog
A video showcasing English Village in Second Life
A TESOL Spain Presentation: Learn English Second Life for Teens by Graham Stanley for the British Council.

This new teaching environment is still very young, but is already attracting a number of companies to establish schools in Second Life. I’ve spent some time wandering around Second Life and reviewing it for teaching / learning possibilities. Here are some of the possible uses I would imagine could be effective in Second Life. The second page of this article provides five short lesson ideas that you might want to try out if you decide to establish a virtual classroom in Second Life.

Topic Intro

These are ideas that could be used to introduce topics within Second life.

 

• Begin with streamed media to help introduce subject. It would be nice to have YouTube videos of interactions with key phrases available to watch as a group.
• Elicit student input on key phrases (‘Which phrases did they use to …?”)
• Use bullet points with key phrases projected onto screen. Have short teacher-led discussion of key ‘chunks’ or grammar.
• Provide virtual notes to be passed around for more intensive reading purposes / easily available reference for students to model their own discussions on.
• Provide teacher – student modeling with students based on notes. Perhaps a YouTube streamed video chopped into pieces would be nice for this.

 

Interaction Phase

These activities might be used for a more interactive phase of the lesson where students work together in the virtual space of Second Life.

 

• Students break into small groups (or pairs) to practice key points based on handout (once again a note passed to all, also projected to front of room)
• Exercise warm ups: gap fills / multiple choice / other written (quick) assignments can be performed by groups and pasted into a ‘group’ note which an be passed to teacher for assessment purposes
• Chatting via text: use chat as a means of inductively teaching “chunking” and / or grammar. IOW when student first ‘chat’ through the key areas they anchor knowledge through kinetic use of keyboard
• Students take passive knowledge and begin to apply knowledge. Depending on situation students might teleport to place to practice

 

Follow-up

These activities might be used after a period of exploring in Second Life.

 

• Reassemble class for a discussion of how things went. This could be in an informal setting, or in the classroom.
• Some sort of class game / activity to review key phrases, language ‘chunks’ and / or grammar
• Homework – provide homework at website (more traditional, syllabus based exercise permitting students to have a ‘take-away’ such as a score, measurement of some sort)
• In world projects – projects that focus on activities which should elicit key lesson points in Second Life should be given at the end of each lesson.
• If time permits: discussion of last week’s projects that have taken place in Second Life.